Friday, May 9, 2014

Cornered!!! Memoirs of the single life. 2

So, it's been over a decade since my last entry??? Well so what? It's my life so I can do whatever I want to...yeah; it's my blog so I can do whatever I want to...yeah. (In Miley's voice).

So, mother cornered me today while I was chilling in her house, with my big seeded groundnuts, garden eggs while watching Season 7 of The Big Bang Theory... best series evuurrr. Shout out to whomsoever can get me the Season 8.

Anywho, before I digress...while having fun time with Sheldon Cooper and the gang, thing I heard was, "bia nne, kedu mgbe e ga potara anyi nwoke?" (Translation: "behbeh, when are you bringing us a suitor?")

It sounded like how I always  imagine end times would be 'creep upon you like a thief in the night'. When your guard is down and you sprawled and blissful. Suddenly, Gbam!!! Armageddon. 

I went from cloud 9 to cloud WTH???

My mum is never one for such mudane discussion. (Lol @ mudane. I think that's the 1st time I use that word in my life. Hope it's not outta context).

So, there I was mouth (thankfully) stuffed and ajar with garden eggs and groundnuts and a wide eyed dumb stare. I felt naked! Stark naked and legs fanned out like a soaring eagle's wings. Naked without pre-planned prepping of my lady parts. I think you get the picture now...I was cornered and unprepared.
Thank goodness her phone rang. God bless the caller whomsoever you were. It shall be well with you and your family.

I fled into my car and voomed away into my cave. Ground nut and all.

Unfortunately, my The Big Bang Theory hard drive is still plugged to the TV. (I'm sad about that. But I think it was worth the sacrifice. Spoils of war). We have to indeed live to fight another day.

So while driving, I thought to my self... Hmmn, time done rish. For mother to bring this up, it's about that time.
But she has forgotten these are the end times oh. Man scarcity as predicted over 2000years ago has begun in full swing. All my single and even married sistahs can attest to that.

Note to self: harass your teenage daughter to bring man make we see from when she clocks 20.

****I know it's been a minute or so since I was last here. I can't promise to be more frequent. I'm way too lazy.****

Until next pink moon,... TUDDLES!


  1. Chidi, they have not even shown the last (24 th) episode is season 7 and u are asking for season 8. Maybe the person who gets it for u (before it has even been acted) is the man for u. P.S very offended that u didn't credit me in ur blogpost for giving u season 7, bad girl, BAD GIRL!

    1. Okayyyyyy...I know it's a belated thank you message.
      Here goes.
      My entire clan and community hereby, offer deeply felt felicitations and gratitude to the man and his parents (who made it possible he was birthed) for the opportunity to obtain TBBT Season 7. I am very thankful.

      I'll however like to return the favour by giving him season 8 up to episode 11 (most current episode).


  2. I want groundnut and garden egg #crying # hmm... wonder what else is on said flash drive. Maybe it's time I paid dearest mother a visit.

  3. You're a hot Doctor, so i suppose top of the food chain...nothing do you. I no shake at all. Cheers.

    1. Lo! It's not by hawt nor by food chains.
      Thanks for the compliment dear.

  4. Real men are not hard to find just pray and God will guide you. No hurry.

  5. LOL @ man scarcity was predicted 2000 years ago.

  6. Nice stuff! Neat, on point, funny (as always). Particularly like this line.. "Naked without pre-planned prepping of my lady parts." It's about time though, but there's no hurry. At least that's what I tell myself. Just keep being u, Miss magnificent n all, he'll come running. ;-)

  7. Exactly the same question my mum asked some few months ago....and she actually used the word suitor!!! The conversation was tres weird I tell you..