Real life story: The fuel hunt.

I'm just going to slide into this page as though I didn't leave it vacant over the past decade.

So, yesterday was a day I taught myself a life lesson... never act out on gist gotten from strangers... it could be your undoing.

   I am sure we all know that having fuel up to half tank during this period is a bragging right stuff. Just seeing people driving with their windows all wound-up makes me feel dejected by my country.

    In the past few days, I've had to drive in my shimmy or in my inner vest while I use my outer shirt to fan my self and wipe the sweat off my face and in my armpits simultaneously.
   

I am selling my 'markate'

Please excuse me. Excuse me I want to sell my "markate". Doctor work needs help. Salary no belleful me. Please I have markate to sell.

Boys and Girls I have markate.

Personal ginger

Hello all.

Happy new year. The fake lindaikeji wannabe is back... or not.

All of you asking me how much I make out of my blog, let me answer you all (plus the ones planning to ask)... zero! I mean I make naught, zit, nada. Shi-shi I no dey see. How will I make when you people will read and not be commenting? Only when you see me in beer parlour or at work you remember to say what you should have written down under the comment section.

Leave me o.
I’m looking unto my other hus

Being a Chromosome.

So here I am, doing the laziest thing ever...sitting down in a gym and watching people sweat. I should feel like a weirdo. Sadly, I don't.

I sincerely enjoy my view. The sounds ... they are panting , heaving, huffing, some are silent; bearing the pain and aches. The vision... The angony in their eyes, the mouth agape, teeth bared, eyes rolled up, some shaking their heads while still doing the crunches or whatever this is. Ahhhhh, tho sweat rolling down ... Beauty is pain. My vision is beauty.

By the way, I am on annual  leave.  My first leave in 3 years.

I stumbled upon a trend #beingfemaleinnigeria. You should see it if you can.
In course of my three decades in this world, the world I stumbled into with a vagina,

Back with the Ex...Memoirs of the single life. 3

How you doing?... In Wendy Williams voice.


I have shamed myself.

This act/post probably goes against all common sense. Even against by my highly treasured code of ethics. Is it the fever of the new year? 'cos this isn't me. It is just not me. I just don't do this. I believe I have strong principles and self-control.

It's most likely the new year madness.
Look at me, dirty laundry on the internet... hella unFranni.
You know what makes it so horrible is that I haven't even broken this to the main character in the event.

E go better...

This post is about a recent ruling that greatly and totally touched me somewhere deep deep down inside. Somewhere I know doesn't show often.
A ruling that, tomorrow will make Nigeria be better for our (my) children...


This post is about inequality...[tribalism, gender bias]. 
l live in a country where tribalism and gender bias are the sad norm.


Let me talk about tribalism. As defined by the OXFORD dictionary:-
 {1.1chiefly derogatory.   The behaviour and attitudes that stem from strong loyalty to one’s own tribe or social group}.


This post is prompted by some beautiful news I came across on Ynaija

Someone lied

Incoming rant...... be warned.

Caution: what you are about to read is not pointing fingers at my parents nor is it pointing at my teachers nor extended family members. Any such views perceived Or otherwise fathomed is as a result of your ever active over-zealous mind.

Please proceed... or not...if you fall into any of the above group enlisted in above paragraph.

Now brothers and sisters, turn with me to the book of lamentations. Are you there somebody?

                                                            Someone lied.

Somewhere along my path, someone lied.

Pooing with pride intact! ...an art.

I know I should start off by apologising or attempting to apologise for my yeyeness. It's been like 2 seconds right? Yeahhhh, I know.
 Well, sorry somehow sha cos I'm as lazy as fart. I would love to say I've been  busy but that's a lie from the pit of hell. You see, I spend 24hours doing nothing but thinking of various ways to take over the world. It usually just ends with me sleeping off and starting all over again.   


I'll shut up now and get to the meat of the matter.

 Today is going to be a lecture geared for the ladies. Just like when we discussed how to get your actual brassiere size correctly (HERE). So, once more, feel free to bookmark. Please note that this is not a joke.   How To Poo With Dignity At An Acquaintances/le boo's/in law's.   The 1st rule to this starts with asking yourself the cardinal question... DO I UTTERLY AND IRREVOCABLY HAVE TO GO?

Cornered!!! Memoirs of the single life. 2

So, it's been over a decade since my last entry??? Well so what? It's my life so I can do whatever I want to...yeah; it's my blog so I can do whatever I want to...yeah. (In Miley's voice).

So,...my mother cornered me today while I was chilling in her house, with my big seeded groundnuts, garden eggs while watching Season 7 of The Big Bang Theory... best series evuurrr. Shout out to whomsoever can get me the Season 8.

Anywho, before I digress...while having fun time with Sheldon Cooper and the gang,...next thing I heard was, "bia nne, kedu mgbe e ga potara anyi nwoke?" (Translation: "behbeh, when are you bringing us a suitor?")

A million things that bug me...

1) people who put mayonnaise on their bread.
2) soundless farts.
3) forcing alcohol on me.
4) people telling me I should smile.
5) bread crumbs in my butter.
6) cat under my car.
7) burglars.
8) exams.
9) noisy farts.

How many frogs does one have to kiss?

Like seriously!!!

How many frogs are required?
Some frogs are just horrible frogs. Just horrible!


No wonder some cultures don't eat frog. Eat frog, you die!

Chronicles of Gianna. (1)

I own a Porsche Carrera GTS, Rolls Royce Phantom, an Infiniti EX37  which I'm trading in for a QX70 next month. I consult for an oil servicing company in addition to two solid jobs I do by the side. I also have two booming clothing outfits.
 Vacations twice a year in any country of my flicker mood. I'm waited upon by four helps at my residence.


My name is Gianna ... of course I was not born a Gianna.

CAFFVODKA

Hello world.

I'm writing in the middle of the night abi is it wee hours of the a.m.? I think it's wee hours. Oh well, wareva it is, normal people are asleep. Buh I caaaaannnnnnnnoootttt sleeppppp. *sob sob* .

Someone remind me not to mix my caffeine with spirits.

Before my next Birthday.

Hello people!!! Guess what? I'm baaaacck ;).
 I know I've been as persistent and reliable as a dude who grew up with no shoes.
I'll try to sit up with this blogging ish. Blame it on blogger's block. ___

PUZZLING!

Two friends and I were conversing and a puzzler came up. We thought and thought and reasoned and reasoned and mused and mused and then, we gave up and decided to ask married people...

                                              

WHERE DO WEDDING GOWNS GO AFTER THE D-DAY?

We ladies love to look good and we almost sacrifice everything for the sake of vanity.
P/S: I'm not calling wedding gowns vanity but...

What a weekend!!! Memoirs of the single life.

I am not going to start from the very top. I’d rather go to the middle and take it through to the end.


I met a psychopath today!
This dude had been on my case for like forever. Calling me, texting me, pinging, whatsapp, skype, you name it. I wasn’t interested and so, more often than not, I ignored the 24/7 harassment. I picked the calls whenever I felt like it. I hardly called back because the calls were monotonous and rather rehearsed. (Yeah I have sensitive ears).

                                                                

Anyways, that an intro to the main gist.

Brassieres

Brassieres!!!
Also known as You-Raise-Me-Up-So-I-Can-Stand-On-Mountains.
Brassieres also known as bras.
You can't hate but love them. (pun intended).
Growing up, I never wished to wear them ‘cos they felt like old-women’s garment. I preferred my good old bandeau.
These days though, I say... 3 hearty cheers to the man who invented the bra!!! Whoooooootttt! That man/woman I pray you made heaven. Of course not for my sake!!! My girls are glorious, haughty and proud! Hehehehee.
But for that angel who invented the bra, where would the modern day woman’s pride be? Where??? In the gutters more often than not.

First let me say this does not apply to all women. Of cos not. I'm of the school of thought that doesn’t believe that all women should wear bras. Take for instance; some women have breasts that consist of only nipples. Big nipples.

Letting go.

   I've never had to carry anger in my heart for so long. But I think I've out done my self this time?


I am the sort of person who doesn't have time or doesn't care enough to carry anger or malice till dawn.


Most of the time, I just ignore the cause of unnecessary emotion or anger as the case maybe and just move. But, in cases where the subject or cause of my vex is that upsetting, I won't let go until I've told him/her my grievance that way, I feel the steam leave my body and I feel light immediately. It's like magic.




This time around, it's different. I've managed to stay mad at one person for 6 months. Now this is so unhealthy. So unhealthy. But there's really little or nothing I can do about it. I can't vent. I can't vent because the subject of my spine-breaking nerve wrecking venom is no where in sight.

Exotic African ways to die

 I got this idea from my sister who hooked me up hilarious OIN (Only In Nigeria) happenings. Then, one day I felt pretty jobless, I thought up some more and added to hers. 

Here, enjoy...

Exotic African ways to prompt your own death or arse-whooping ...as the case maybe.

Daddy, I'm gay and proud { o_O }

Answer “ooooooh, What???” when your parents call you. {a*se-whooping}

Announce your financial success in your village. { v(*_*)^ }

Hi, I’m Kony. { <(‘ -‘)> }

Address an elder without ‘aunty or uncle’ prefix. { o_O }

Say “hi” instead of “good morning Sir” to my dad. { (>_<) }

My mother is on facebook!!!

Unbelievable! I'm shocked on two levels.


First is that own mother is on facebook. that is so not cool (from my own point of view). It might be cool from her own point of view in that she thinks she knows what's up and and that she can now hook up with old friends. But still, whyyyyyyyy???


Second is that she used a really hawt profile picture and made her name look super-cool. Mummy, who taught you all these?
She even has witty status updates!

Blue Christmas

It's a season of celebration, a season of joy. Why do I think only of death?


Four detonated bombs so far. Over 40 killed.


I don't want to die. No not yet.
I don't want my family to die. No not yet, not ever! Not till they are 100 years old each.
I don't want to lose my friends or anyone I ever cared for or ever met or added meaning to my life. Not until they are at least 90 years old

Red Light! Run, Run!!!

What I am about to write is very much on short notice. 

Most of you must have heard about and seen pictures of a girl attacked allegedly by a jealous obsessive ''boy-friend'' at Lekki. 
I use the word allegedly because, I'm yet to read details in any of the National Dailies and I'm not one to pedal rumours. No names have been involved in the story and no facts yet.

 Nevertheless, let me use this medium to address battery and assault.

Hitting is NEVER cool!

In as much as  I would never blame the victim, women should be careful about the guys they date. There usually is a flash into violent tendencies in a guy prone to such violence. A red light is usually shone at a point but we tend to ignore it or maybe we don't notice it.

I'm going to quote Sasha here. She enlisted 10 red flags ladies should look out for. I'm just gonna quote her through out this (although with some edited typos because she wrote it in an emotional state).

Here goes:  RED FLAGS TO LOOK OUT FOR

1.   If you can't hang out together without turning it into a fight.

The Shrink in me!

I must confess... it’s not beans keeping up a blog.
No ‘healthy’ topic comes to mind. It could be frustrating. I'm serious today. No jokes, no sarcasm. An unusual Franni. I can think of many things to write but none of them has the pizzazz: the X-factor, the Frannilicious thingy ;).
So dear followers, by-chance readers, stalkers and to the rest of my lovely people, kó easy rara.
 What excuse can I give? Those who know me know that right now, work isn’t so stressful. So I can't even use that as an excuse (I wish!). Which reminds me...these days, I'm diverging from

(side bar)

 Hii.I keep getting complaints about difficulty in posting comments on this blog.
Kindly email your complaints plus suggestions if any  diogo2606@yahoo.com.  

Thanks.

Thoughts Aloud

Thoughts Allowed Aloud

I missed you silly!

I know what you are probably saying... ‘’girl, thought your blogging died a natural death’’. Sorry, to burst your bubble, it didn’t!!! I actually do not have any good reason for being away so long. Oh no, I do! My creative mind was in recess.

Today, I’m just gonna think aloud and let my fingers do the typing. Hmmmn, somehow, all that runs through my mind is, ”Lawd, how and why did I get a facebook account?” Howwww???! :-(

Don’t get me wrong oh, I loves loves loves the Facebook concept buh, sometimes, I'm just like hmmmn!

First of all, dear Mark Zuckerberg, what is the idea behind ‘poke’? If I want to get someone’s attention, emmm, couldn't I just write on his wall? **puzzled face**

Facebook has taken away some of my freedom to snub! You know, sometimes I suspect that facebook just adds friends for you without your knowledge (conspiracy theory **winks**).

Aaarghhh!

Now people, I'm gonna be very frank and quite straight to the point.
Mhnhmmm (clearing throat so you don't say you didn't hear  ) okay, here goes...

Dear Franni-My little Space readers (more precisely those with  M̶̲̥̅γ̲̣̣̥ phone number,kindly drop your well appreciated comments on this beautiful blogpage and not my phone or facebook inbox. :).

Yea,I see you,yes you!
You who reads,smiles, laughs and goes away.
You who always calls me up and says...hey girl,nice blog! You Rock Franni!
Okay, sweetie thanks for the love but please let's save your credit so you don't have to make that call or send the sms.
Shey it's better like that? Shey? I knew you'd agree.
You the bestest. Mwuahh!


Tuddles...

21 things you never knew about Franni

Whewwwww, how do I apologise for my long silence? I am so soooooooo sorry. Kk?
Oh now I wish I could serve you guys something that would be at least worth the wait. Let's see... will it be a little bit worth it if I told you 21 things you never knew about me?


Here goes:
21 things you don't know about me...


1---That name up there, is my actual name. And yes, it's in my birth certificate! My pop rocks right???


2 --- I am the true story of The Ugly Duckling. I was born a duckling compared to my other sibs back in the day but I kinda transformed into what I am today. And by what I'm made to believe these days, I bring pleasure to the eyes. Hey, hey, hey, at least that's what nice people say to me. :-)

I AM SORRY

I am sincerely apologizing to all those who stumbled across my blog.
I am so sorry I've not entered anything this year. Please don't lose interest in me. Pleeeeaaassseee. Oh c'mon! Don't make me crawl.
I'll soon be back I promise.


.P

Are You Okay?

Hi, Merry Christmas all y'all.


Some people are trying to modernize the season and rename it, ''Happy Holidays'' and no longer the ''Merry Christmas''. I don't wanna conform to killing the tradition and embracing the free-thinkers. Those who want to get on with the celebration but do it in such a manner they don't acknowledge Christ are happy holidaying. Before I derail,lemme go back to my the title of this post.


I'm a bit sober today. Not in the alcohol-related way... that'll be till later this evening..I got some invites to last me today till Monday night. I'm loving this season oooooo. Now I derail again.


I read somewhere that Australia has a day set aside for caring. It's called Are You Okay Day. From what I could decipher, on a day like that, you are kind of supposed to check up on your family, friends, nieghbours, acquaintances, even ask strangers if the are okay and if there's anything you can help them out with. It sort of is a day set out to care for people. A day to reach out to even the unloved.


When I read about it, I related to it a lot. 'Twas introduced to try and curb the suicide rates out there (or so i feel). Many people are really lonely...lonely to a depressed state sef. Even something as little as a smile could  brighten their day what more an, 'hi, how do you do? Are you okay?' Really nice concept if you ask me...but what do I know?
I think the depression thing is much worse in the Western world. People keep to themselves so much, they turn into serial killers. Oya now, check it... how many times do you hear about a serial killer in Nigeria or suicides??? We have suicides, I know. But it's child-play compared to out there.
Our social networking here's the bomb. Let's count...






Please allow me to go off point for a second...what's with that thing of ''OMG, I cried when I saw this. This girl committed suicide after her dad wrote on her wall'' all over Facebook??? 


Back to our gist. Oya, let's count...


-- we have churches at every 1000 metres (Yea, I know the Churches are made up of Pastor, his wife, treasurer, seven daughters and one son, tenants and his offering bag. But it serves as a place to go and socialize a bit).


-- one million health centres ( because of 'free' health care, you can find everyone in the neigbhourhood at the clinic. From Papa to 3week old baby).


--our face-you-i-face yous ( how can one Serial kill when he's living in a place like this? How can he hang himself when the distance from his ceiling to his floor isn't up to 5ft8''?)
And then, our  our open markets,malls,cinemas,shows each weekend.


When we have all these services, we are allowed to reach out to people. People might think we are living in abject poverty but don't you forget... We are the HAPPIEST people on Earth and I love our mentality.


But on a more serious note, I think the Are You Okay Day is a nice concept and should be introduced to more countries.
I'm really very sober today but not reflective.
Wuuuuuuuuuuuuu, can't wait till the evening. It's gonna be groovyyyyyyyyyyyyyy babyyyyyyy. Hope I see something weird.


Feliz Navidad.


...tuddles

Ever feel the pressure?

Do you ever feel like you are under some self-imposed pressure to please. You know, like silly little things that don't even count but you feel you should be the fire-man, always-ready-boy-scout.
Lemme site an example for you to understand where I'm coming from...
A friend calls and is like, 'hey, franni baby don't tell me you've been online all day. C'mon girl,it's a friday night, don't you have places to go? You go ol' for house'. Then I go, ''but how d'you know I'm online'' and he goes,'my blackberry says so and I know you are only online from your computer 'cos you don't have a BB'. Yeahhhh right! Feeling trapped between being mentally labelled a douche-bag and telling a spot-on lie, I choose the later. ''Oh that, damn, that means my sister logged on using my computer, you see,it's like default setting there. Am at a colleagues house,we'll soon head out''. And he goes, 'K, I'm bored at home,wanted to come over. Please on your way back,can you buy me some shawarma?' Psshhhht. And in my mind, I wish I would have just said,''yea,I've been home all day' now, I've to go out and buy his busy-body self sharwarma.
Or, another scenario...
My friend calls and goes, 'chic,abeg I need you to come over to this address ASAP. I'm stuck, Melissa borrowed my car and my phone's in car. Do you have a pen?Do you have a pen? I'm using the gate-man's phone. Find a pen'. Then I say,' gimme frigging one minute'. And I'm searching all over the place for a pen but this guy will not shut up and let me search for my pen. Gosh. Pressure! Pressure! What d'you expect me to do? I told him to gimme the address and that I had a pen. The dude gives me a tedious address which i tried my best to remember. You know this kind of address that is behind this street and to the left,get to the second roundabout and take your left the turn right kind of thing. Unfortunately, I didn't have a pen. So, I'm using my fingernail to trace line on a paper indicating right and left. My 'jottings' initially make sense during the call but after the, 'ok,I''m on my way', all I finger-nailed noted turns all gibberish.


Do you guys ever feel pressure? Lemme know
... Who am I kidding, it's just me in here.






Tuddles...