The Shrink in me!

I must confess... it’s not beans keeping up a blog.
No ‘healthy’ topic comes to mind. It could be frustrating. I'm serious today. No jokes, no sarcasm. An unusual Franni. I can think of many things to write but none of them has the pizzazz: the X-factor, the Frannilicious thingy ;).
So dear followers, by-chance readers, stalkers and to the rest of my lovely people, kó easy rara.
 What excuse can I give? Those who know me know that right now, work isn’t so stressful. So I can't even use that as an excuse (I wish!). Which reminds me...these days, I'm diverging from
my profession and adding psychology to it sef. LOL. Somehow, I don’t know how a rumour was generated somewhere that doctors make good listeners. These days, I've become sort of a shrink to friends and strangers alike. (Hmmmmmmn, I could make some good money here... Ibo gal).


Lemme give you the gist... my girlfriend, (let’s refer to her as Steffy) called me up about 3weeks ago crying about her 3-year old broken relationship (as though my life is any rosier). After listening to her yap for God knows how long *rolling my eyes* while I nod, sigh, widen my eyes and shake my head intermittently (secret of a good listener). After about 50mins of woe, 2 Smirnoffs and 3 glass mugs of Chapman each with a shot of JD, the story comes to an end. Now it’s my turn to inspire or despair (as though I don’t have my own troubles. Pstcheeew).
When she looked up at me as though I was Manna from Heaven, mehn, I had to do a spot-on!
.....→
“Steffy, I understand what mess you are going through.” (That was true so far). “I know you are grieving and it’s normal. But you have to be tough for yourself. During breakups, there are different stages of grief so you’ve got to pull your self together and be prepared babe!
1st off is the Denial when you tell yourself, ‘Haba, it’s not possible naw! After 3 frigging years of taking Gogo’s BS? Living with him, cleaning his sh^t, warming his sheets, cooking for him? No naww, it’s not possible! He’ll come back naww, we will kiss and make up and I can't wait! He no go fit waka! My skills won’t let him. Haba, no be me again? I'm sure it’s one useless bush-meat that is deceiving him. He loves me.’ **na today?**
 You wait 3days, 5days, not a word, not a ping, not a tweet, not a flash! :(  But still, you wait. :( :(


Then, it’s Anger. That’s when you go, imagine! That SOB, that MOFO! WTF does he think he is? The basta^d! What gives him the right to mess with my mind like this? He thinks he’s the man? I'm gonna cut down that earthworm in his trousers that gives him the guts. I don’t blame him! I blame myself. ~Pstchew.
**Lemme state here that there’s no particular time-frame for any of these stages. It depends a lot on how old that relationship lasted.** Okay, we continue...




Over to the 3rd stage which is the Bargaining and that’s when you are tempted to eat the humble pie and call Gogo. You want you guys to get back together. You are willing to bend over double, belittle yourself a little, do the McNasty, play some tricks here n there, do those little and big things that used to earn you jewellery. It might work but more often than not, from Stage 3, it’s Hasta la vista, bye-bye.
**I am a believer in tough love advice**


Next up is the Depression. You’ll think the world is all grey but it’ll pass. And this is when you know that in every ‘normal’ man or woman, there is a stalker. LOL. I feel guilty here. LMAO. You call up his friends, his younger brother, friendly neighbour, drive by his work place, stalk out his facebook account, twitter page, blackberry display picture, Myspace, you beg your friends to hang out with you at his regular hang-out bars and joints.


Final stage is Acceptance. You finally get it Steffy,... it aint gonna be. Kapish? Gogo could walk into this bar and you don’t feel anger or sorrow. In this stage, when you can see his office, hear his name, see his car and you don’t have palpitations, you just don’t GAF, then sista, You have healed!


    At this stage, I'm beginning to suspect the bar-man put some extra brain cells in my Chapman cos honestly, I dunno where that inspiration came from. Maybe Chapman is just over flowing with vitamins!


I did an awesome osho-free shrink job innit?


Now I ask myself, how did I deviate from having nothing to write to writing the longest I ever have?
I miss this blog. I wish I could do more. If you guys have any topic suggestions, please feel free to send in.
 Also, feel free to click on ‘share’ down there. Comments are most welcome.




Tuddles.