Tuesday, January 8, 2013

What a weekend!!! Memoirs of the single life.

I am not going to start from the very top. I’d rather go to the middle and take it through to the end.

I met a psychopath today!
This dude had been on my case for like forever. Calling me, texting me, pinging, whatsapp, skype, you name it. I wasn’t interested and so, more often than not, I ignored the 24/7 harassment. I picked the calls whenever I felt like it. I hardly called back because the calls were monotonous and rather rehearsed. (Yeah I have sensitive ears).
Anyways, that an intro to the main gist.

This guy comes into town (he isn’t based in same state as I am}, he sha falls into town calls me on day 1, night 1, day 2 at 7am-ish, afternoon 2, night 2. With all the persistent calls and texts and ishh, my dear oh, my tatafo decided to hang out with him.
After much wuruwuru and warawara, I met the dude.  Well, physically sha, he was aiii he’s English was aii (like 75%), his dressing as eehhhn like 62%. No wahala, no fight.
I'm a good person oh. Heaven knows. I don’t like quarrel or fight or that kain thing. But sha, his car no be am. The seats has matted rug on it. There was rug on the dashboard too. But did Franni complain? She did not o.
Then again, the air condition was outta service and there was traffic in the hot blazing sun with hawkers pestering my window. Again... did Franni complain? She didn’t.
Seven minutes into the journey, dude stops to pump tyres. Did o complain? Well, I had to find out why he didn’t do that before he met up with me. Hey, I asked nicely.

We got to the venue for the date... the cinema. Oh, does this dude go off the ladder saying the sort of thing that gets people to wear this look...


Did I add I had to explain the entire movie?
We went to a second venue ... this time, pool side. He said he wanted a swim. I didn’t wanna swim, so, I had no swim wear. Dude goes to change into his wear and guess what? (Oh not that! Filthy mind). His chest reminded me of King Kong. I swear it looked like a bad hair day for a wet dog.
A little exaggeration maybe. Did Franni complain? Heck no, I only shifted and strolled towards the shelter. I can't be affiliated with that biko.
To cap it up, I believe I saw holes in that trunk. I stand to be corrected though ‘cos I didn’t go so close. Did I complain? Would you?
After that, twas smooth sailing for about 2hours (ermm, there was a cute swim instructor chatting me up) of him swimming.
I guess he noticed this and whipped up Psychopath Katharina. He went all ghetto on me. Talking or rather screaming about how he’s busting his arse for me and showing me his best assets (insert puzzled worried face) and told his parents about his wife... ok, at that point, I was looking for any weapon just in case.
After 2 minutes, he calmed down suddenly (like mid-scream/rant) and apologised saying he reacts to chlorine in the water like that each time he swims.
Long story long story long story, yours truly UNUSUALLY didn’t come out with vex money on that certain day. No ATM card, no vex money; my call chips had kuku finished. I was stranded.
I had to use swim instructor’s phone to call my paddy to come pick me up ‘cos hell no was I gonna enter that vehicle with Kong.
Mehn, I learnt lesson sha.

Moral lesson- Franni, buy a pepper spray.


  1. Lol. You saw the unedited version. Sisi, kindly teach me how to get instant mails on updates on blogs I'm following. I don't get mails on new posts from blogs I follow.

  2. Nice!!!! lol!! Moral should be "always have vex money! no exceptions" lol!

  3. nice! lol! the moral should be "always have vex money! no exceptions! lol!!!

  4. The chlorine part takes the cake.

  5. Yeye girl you go date you no carry transport money. Which day man carry you commot first? Abeg show us the date pics make e for no loss say we read this post.

  6. Frannie!#in deep Igbo accent#